Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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