you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
