Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
