my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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