just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
