Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize