I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
