I cockslap morals
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
