I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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