Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
