It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
