So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
