Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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