She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
