i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
