when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
