so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
