Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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