I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
