I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
