Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
