I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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