Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
