I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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