ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
you traded sex for a burrito?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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