a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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