OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
well most of my day revolves around power hour
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
