He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
