I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
