spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
