I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
