I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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