i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
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