Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
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