Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
