does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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