She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
