you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
