Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
My vagina is officially offended.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
