yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
