Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
