i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
