There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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