I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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