Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Less talking, more tequila
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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