If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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