remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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