i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I see more hoeing in ur future
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize