kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
