You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
People with herpes should wear stickers.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
