why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
