I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You are the jesus of drinking
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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