Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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