my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
