Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
