PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
