I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I will pee on everything he values.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
