If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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