so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
