we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
