haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
