i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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