part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
