I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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