im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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