These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
