how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Randomize