Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize