in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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