I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
