i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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